Was it about the people or the company?

Love is such a subjective feeling. Why love is, at times, strong, when it breaks apart, why it is unconditional, and why sometimes the same love becomes a feeling of nothing.. It's such a complex phenomenon. Really wish there were some scientific laws that governed feelings..

It's something that I have literally possessed for 1.5 years - something which I have evangelized for so long - something that everyone who knows me relates me to - and while these feelings remained undeterred despite the regular doses of bad news that I was getting, this last one has just sealed it - my feelings have been shattered completely - beyond repair.

But I always hoped for too much - why should it have been the way I wanted - when I myself took a decision to leave it in 2007? What right did I have over things? By leaving and choosing to be in IIMC, I showed where my priority was lying - or did I? Wasn't it just a step away for 2 years so that I was more marketable when back? Couldn't people have held on for just 2 years, so that I could enjoy those happy moments again? Obviously not - everyone has their life, and their right to move on when they want to.. So what if I dream everyday of being back there with all of them and work together? So what if I keep planning on how I will make that call to all of them saying let's meet for a party in the evening today like that unforgettable one in my last quarter there? So what if I still strongly respect them all for what they have made me today? None of this actually means they should stick on till I am back. And now I feel - was my passion really for the company? Or was it for those few people who were so close to my heart? I think the latter.

But that won't deter me from trying to go back, and reliving those happy moments imagining they are all there. Nor will that erase these people from my feelings. They are all a part of me now, and that's something even they can't take away from me.

I feel lost in the crowd again today - have to start all over again. Brick by brick. Moment by Moment. Oh how much I miss my team. And to never be with all of them together again is something I will always regret.