Deja Vu

Yesterday.... 4:40 pm....

November 7th, 2005

July 24th, 2002

The sequence of events on all these days left me with the same feeling at the end of it - loss of morale, being the only person to lose out, and a lack of will to carry on. When things go wrong at the beginning of your new life somewhere it is a major loss of motivation.

The build up to the event was also the same - a sleepless night before the exam, and that feeling in my mind that something is going to go wrong, mixed with a feeling that everyone manages, and that in 24 hours time I will also manage it.....

And Deja Vu once more when I start off the paper - seem to get the toughest paper of the lot... All questions unheard of.... But I still think, it will be fine.....

And then, I press Submit, and the result is against me......


November 7th 2005 however was a special day - though all the events were the same as yesterday's, it ended so differently, with KIL coming up to me and consoling me, and telling me that it really didn't matter. That day was a really special day for me, it was the beginning of a new relationship. Things would have been totally different had KIL not turned around that day to ask me how I fared..... I may not have been sitting where I sit today if KIL hadn't turned around and looked back that day.....

Another strong supporter of mine has been my mother.... Silent and quiet, not letting me know directly about her invisible support, but always being there for me is what makes her so special to me. These days so many times I remember times when I was young and my Mom would never get irritated at the million things I would do, she would only teach me at the end of any stupid thing I did that this was not the way to behave. And she would blast me when I did really stupid things. Conscience is something which I have got straight from my mother..... I love you a lot Mummy. I remember running into her arms on July 24th 2002, which was the only relief I had that whole day.....

I will need to slog and come up with better results than this NCFM test in the future. I will need to match up to the level of people around.... Will need to start immediately........